It\'s time to move Mr Grumpy aside. Mr Mick (I\'m more worried about how to tell the media to piss off) Malthouse must move aside to allow the Collingwood team to win games. Nathan Buckley should be appointed Captain Coach immediately for the 2007 season. Let Bluey McKenna and Gavin (Rowdy) Brown be the public faces on game day, but let\'s get serious and make Nathan the man to direct the traffic during the game.

Dale Thomas to play and kick 4 match winning goals off the half forward flank with Bucks a cameo full forward kicking 3, and Rocca, Taz also kicking 3 each.

Other goals to come from Cheesy, Lonie (2 goals from outside 50), Brodie, Jonno and Tarkyn. Presti to float up the ground at the 30 minute mark of the last quarter to kick the sealer. That's a 20 goal result from the Pies. Dogs to kick 12. Pies by 40+ pts.

Week 2 - Up to the SCG to repeat the dose on the Swans. Pies by 14 pts.

Prelim - Over to Moronville to beat the injury ravaged and all worn out Crows. Pies by 24.

Grand Final - Pies v Eagles. Brodie reported in the first 5 minutes for a high 'bump' on Judd that results in him being carried off on a stretcher. Presti looks after Quinten (and hangs it on him all day about his gay name), and Jonno looks after Kerr, and Rhyce tagging Cousins with Heath blocking his run inside the 50.

Buckley, Rocca and Tarrant kick 4 each and Taz takes the Mark of the Year over the pack just before 3/4 time. Converts the goal. Malthouse has heart attack during the 3/4 time address and Dale Thomas delivers a rousing speech sending the players into a scoring frenzy during the last quarter. Pies by 35 pts.

"Pies4premiers2006" crew straight to the Royal for bonus breasts (Jen welcome but not compulsory) followed by a kick in the street on the way to the London, followed by celebrations at the London then on to H's house for 'Office' (new double garage) related indulgence. Following Monday day off (compulsory) and off to the Lexus Centre for some excellence.

I'm so sick of this obsessive bloodlust for Chris Tarrant right now. Even before last week's certain maritime themed nightclub incident, Taz was being blamed for everything from our so-so form to the war in Lebanon. And it's getting much worse. I woke Sunday morning drained by Saturday night's incredible game against Adelaide. It was intense, modern and intelligent football. As Kinky Friedman would say, the game was like Johnny Cash in 1958. Dangerous. Neither side gave anything inside their own backlines. Every kick and tackle so calculated. Not even livewires like DT and Didak could break free. Well, that was the game I watched. Not the Herald Sun's "Here's one we prepared earlier," front page headline teaser, FROM BAD TO WORSE: Another Shocking Night For Tarrant. Funny how there wasn't an article to go with the headline. Taz played a pretty good game. There were only about four contested marks taken in either forward line all night. It was tough out there yet the dweeby lookin' John Ralph begrudges Taz's "only" 14 touches because most were taken "well up the field." No wonder Malthouse gets angry with these blokes. But the worse example of blind Taz dissing appears in this mindless dirge by the Herald Sun and Fox Sports website's Mark Robinson. "In a way, it was spooky when Tarrant had the ball, 53 metres out, 29 minutes gone, final quarter, his team down by five points. Of all the people." I'll leave his next flat and godawful similie out and jump to one of the most ridiculous and apallingly out of touch arguments ever attempted in football journalism. "That he couldn't nail the goal was deflating. That he didn't man up at 30min 50sec, when Nathan Bassett got the ball, or at 31min 13sec, when Graham Johncock got the ball, and at 31min 36sec, when Johncock got it again, was even more so. In two minutes, Tarrant had the chance to make a defiant statement. He didn't. The goal was difficult. Allowing his man to mark the ball three times in the dying minutes was infuriating. Much like his off-field antics, you can forgive him once, maybe twice, but a third time? It's more than a coincidence." Yes, that's right. Robinson is blaming Taz for not manning up while Adelaide were kicking backwards in the game's final minutes. He blames nobody else, only Chris Tarrant. An atrocious, vindictive and amateurish piece of analysis. If you hadn't noticed, footy's got a little more complex than 'manning up' in the past 10 years. Taz was probably doing what he's told to do in his situation, sticking to a little midfield area (zoning up if you need it spelled out), ready to intercept a pass or more importantly, ready to pounce to our forward line if one of his team mates intercept. It's a tough concept to brain out but if everyone played on their men in that situation, a Crows player could easily, with the help of a block infield, break through to the middle of the ground and bang in another quick goal. And how do we know Tarrant wasn't already manning up on another Crows player?

Against my better judgement I read Mike Sheahan's jibber in this weeks Bible. He questions Tazza's worth to the club, pulling out stats (amoung other things) to show he's only kicked 21 goals in 12 games this year. What he fails to reveal is that Tazza is No. 2 in the comp for goal assists second only to Alan Didaiks. Not a bad return I say for a bloke in the same team as Rocca 40 gaols, Didaiks 27 goals, who is playing as the link/centre half forward. As soon as the Pies have a loss Shite Mike can't wait to lay the boots into Tazza. Yes Mike, Taz is a good looking footballer. Take a look in the mirror if you dare!

Interesting the media and other pundits have said the Pies 'didn't come to play', and also went down the "Collingwood can't play in the wet" path on last weekend's loss to Richmond. I thought more important to the loss was the Masterstoke of Mick (what are the planets doing today?) Malthouse who, like the rest of Melbourne, knew it was going to be wet and raining all day, and played Fraser (OK), Cloke, Presti, Wakelin, and there's one other that doesn't come in mind. He also apparently left numerous messages for Stunning Steve McKee, Matty Francis, Mark Richardson ('The Answer'), and David Cloke. Clearly Mercury was not correctly aligned with Venus and Saturn on this day. OK, It's time to go - Chad Morrison! Yes, Chad, you have been in the Big Magpie house for a few years now and, you've always had cool hairdo's. But, unfortunately Chad, EVERYONE IN AUSTRALIA has voted for you to be booted out for good. Should go in to Moped sales. Next week I'll officially admit that I was wrong about Heath Shaw. A'rrn the Pies. H

Why isn't Daics on the payroll down at the club?

Whose gonna stop the Pies this year?
Really getting ahead of myself but I can't see the Pies finishing out of the top 4.
We're the leagues most exciting team to watch, big bombs into the big forward line, played as simply as footy is meant to be played.

C'mon the woods